The Decade That Got Real

Shortly after my 36th birthday, I was walking across my deck when I had a thought that literally stopped me in my tracks and took my breath.

"I'm getting to the age when people I know are going to start dying."

A few weeks later, my husband was killed when a driver made a left hand turn without looking, or looking twice.

Angel of Grief

Some said I had had a premonition, but it was just not so. Weeks before I had that jarring thought, my then husband (who was 14 years my senior) and I were talking about our days of invincible youth. He got that thousand yard stare when he mumbled, "I am the only one left."

All of his friends from that time were gone now. I had been fairly lucky, I suppose. I had lost my favorite step-grandmother in my late teens, and that was so sad, but she had been very sick for all the years I had known her, and I allowed myself to be comforted by the idea that she was no longer suffering. I had lost my maternal grandmother in my twenties, but I had lived several states away from her my whole life, and though she was nice, she was not an affectionate woman by any means.

But then, at 36, I was widowed. Three years later, my stepfather of 30 years passed away. My mother was not only grieving, but her health was so bad, her doctor mentioned hospice. We switched doctors, and her health improved because a very simple diagnosis had been missed. Yet, she still had an awful disease, and for some time, I became what I have heard referred to as the "sandwich generation," the time when you are taking care of both your children and your parent/s. I don't even remember now how much time passed before my grandfather also passed away. I refused to leave his graveside until he was in the ground. My mom sat in a chair in front of me, and my 4 year old stood to the side and behind me with his arm curled around my leg. I couldn't help but hope we continued to do this in the "right" order.

Starting on my son's 5th birthday, the next 20 days were... if life were Mike Tyson, I found my 5'6", 125 lbs self in a ring with him, and he had been infected with rabies.

Snuggles

My sweet, giant, teddy bear of a friend who, honestly, everybody loved, was riding to work on his Harley-- his Harley with that ridiculous snakeskin seat that I grew to love only because he was so proud of it, I couldn't resist. An intoxicated driver crossed the yellow line and hit him head on. He never stood a chance. Just like my husband, he died on the ground in the middle of the road. A few days later, a friend of mine who had walked miles and miles with me after the death of my husband because I just didn't know what to do with myself, who had cleaned my house when I just couldn't get off the couch, was sitting in one of those God-awful uncomfortable chairs next to her husband's hospital bed, and it looked really bad. The worst kind of bad. A few days after that, 6 days after the death of my giant teddy bear friend, my mom called to tell me her doctor said she might have 6 more months left on her heart. Exactly 14 days later, my mom was released from the hospital. She was still in hospice care, but everyone thought she would have more time. She got home, probably a 4-6 minute ride from the hospital, and she collapsed in the parking lot of her senior living complex. She was gone just like that, too fast to be from any expected cause.

It is now two months and one day later. My best friend is a woman who lied in bed next to me when my husband died. She just lied there, expecting nothing from me, just being there. When my mom died, she dropped what she was doing in her ever busy life and came right to me. She held my head in her lap, silently smoothing my hair as I cried and cried and she did too. The same disease that killed my mom is now coming after her. I am 42 years old, and she is almost exactly one month younger than I.

Another friend of mine, also younger than I, is also dealing with an extremely painful and debilitating disease.

I know many people have dealt with death and disease much younger than I was when I was introduced. My own children have lost not only family members but friends. However, leading into my forties and then into my very early forties-- this has been the decade that got real. I don't want to believe it is somewhat downhill from here, but we're all aging, and with aging comes issues. We can all take better care of ourselves, but those unlucky, uncontrollable strikes hit where they will.

The Unknown