There Really is Only One Way to Parent

Kiss My Naked Baby Ass!

I believe I am a bit entitled to a claim of expertise in the area of parenting. I've raised babies in two different generations. How do you do that? Well, you get near the finish line with your oldest; you get so close, you can see it, smell it, almost taste all of the expensive meals on what will be your new Fewer Mouths to Feed Weekly Menu. Then you stop. Then you turn around. Then you walk back to the start line, exactly like a dumbass does it.

Doctor: "The only test that came back positive was the pregnancy test. Congratulations, you're pregnant."

Dumbass: "No, I'm not. "

Doctor: "Yes, you are."

Dumbass: "My youngest is almost 15 years old!"

Doctor: "Very cool. You are still pregnant."

I should tell you, I am so in love with that little guy. You get what I'm saying, though.



Everybody is FULLASHIT.

I just bet you do know what you're doing.
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Look. Making an adult is hard. You do your best and hope that nothing goes viral. I know some parents. I read posts in parenting groups. I like hearing/reading what other parents have to say. Sometimes. One thing parents (especially of the unsolicited advice giving type) get caught up on is the idea that every decision you make is the be-all end-all of "the message" you are sending your offspring. Here is the truth: It isn't.

If you pick up your child every time she has a tantrum, you are going to spoil her by way of teaching her tantrums get her attention. If you don't ever pick up your child during a tantrum, then you teach her love comes with conditions, and you're a special type of asshole. Which kind of parent do you want to be? Or, better yet, what kind of adult are you making? DECIDE ON YOUR MESSAGE, as if there are not a thousand other variables and teaching moments in any given day which exactly teach your message. In other words, it really doesn't stop right there, of course, because it is... parenting! For a long time. Every day. So, maybe picking her up helps her calm down and you are on the path of teaching her how to calm herself down once she is developmentally capable of doing that. Maybe, once she is calm, you teach her that she can't always have what she wants, or whatever lesson comes from her throwing the tantrum in the first place. Maybe you don't pick her up during tantrums. Maybe your blood pressure rises to four alarm at the sound of screaming, or maybe, picking her up makes the tantrum worse -- whatever the case. Maybe later you explain to her that her screaming hurts your ears and so you have to walk away, but you still love her just as you have shown her six other times that day. How do you know what you should do?

Everybody is NOT FULLASHIT.

Here is the only way to figure it out and the only path to follow: Consider what other parents advise because people have been doing this since people have been people, and you never know who was handed down (or came up with) the idea that will save your sanity, your money, your time, and/or your ass. You could try what makes sense to you and discard the rest, and then how do you know you are doing it right? Well, if it is working for your family, keep doing it. If it is not working for your family, stop. Most importantly, get to know your child. As a wise man once said to me, when school officials had me doubting my methods: "They know children. You know your child."

Go from there. Do your thing.